Chapter Nine: “I thought he was buying an iPod, not dealing crack out of my Toyota in a sketchy parking lot”

Robin had moved into his apartment six months previously. He had been waiting for an opportunity to move out of his parents’ place basically since he’d graduated from university a year ago so he possibly hadn’t exercised brilliant decision-making skills when he answered a personal ad on the internet. Some dude named Joey was looking […]

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Chapter Eight: “Hurricane of Blood is a great name for a death metal band”

Miles had hit a rough patch with Marly. Ramsay knew this because Miles talked about it often and for long periods of time. It was horrible, partially because Ramsay didn’t like coaching people’s emotions, but mostly because he didn’t give a flying rat’s ass about Miles’ relationship with Marly. For one thing, he thought it […]

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Chapter Seven: “She looks exactly like the former ruler of North Korea, Kim Jung-Il”

Melly invited Iggy to a dinner party at her and David’s house one Friday evening. Iggy didn’t really want to go because Melly’s dinner parties almost always involved chilli and charades, but Melly was still slightly annoyed with her for being late for her baby Madison’s baptism so she didn’t really have a choice. It […]

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Chapter Six: “Bernie Wu!”

Once a year, Bernie’s mother arranged a date for her and Lawrence Wu, the son of her best friend Alice. It didn’t matter how much Bernie protested or whether or not she was even single; she went on the same date every single year. And every single year, nothing came of it. Bernie liked Lawrence […]

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Chapter Four: “I took a break to check you hadn’t drowned in the shower or choked to death on your Lucky Charms

Oscar hated fruit flies. His apartment was infested. He was swarmed almost all the time; when he was making dinner, while he was eating dinner, while he was laying on his couch contemplating the awfulness of his life, while he was showering. It was horrible. His older sister had told him that he could trap […]

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Chapter Three: “You think this small Latino boy grows up to become Michael J. Fox?”

Jemima had recently broken up with her boyfriend Steve. It had come to light that Steve was cheating on her with a very small woman named Amber who wore brightly coloured bandage dresses and body glitter unironically. She had discovered it through a series of deeply intense cyberstalking investigations. Since the break-up, she had continued […]

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Chapter Two: “Potato, potato”

Miles was dating a girl named Marly. He had met her at a bar when he had been quite drunk and fairly desperate. According to his friend Oscar, this was alright because she too was clearly desperate. Oscar wasn’t a particularly kind man. His girlfriend of five years, Katy, had very recently dumped him, leaving […]

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